Lost Job Opportunity - Finally, I know what happened...

It took me sometime to figure out why I made such a hugh mistake with my last true, honest and valid job offer.


See, I was being tested, by the ultimate tester. I had been praying and praying for a break, a job, solid and worthy of my experience/talents. And in between the time of my prayers, I was allowed to work at a temporary company that was to say the least, very tempting. It paid well, allowed me to do what I have been wanting to do for years, and that is underwrite and I was with a former co-worker, friend and I was happy. But this happiness was to be very short lived..


So anyway, two weeks into this great atmosphere, I get an offer from a company I had been courting for sometime. Well, because the offer came at an "inopportune" time, at least that was how it seemed to me, I really had to think about accepting. I finally DID ACCEPT THE JOB OFFER, ONLY TO RESCIND MY ACCEPTANCE" because I was made a verbal commitment of employment by the temporary position, direct hire manager!


She you see, was actually being guided by the one they call temptation, the one who will lead you astray and laugh when you fall down and are left with nothing. She was a pawn in a game of chess orchastrated by something bigger and more powerful than myself and my abililty to see what was happening. So what did I do,

I listened to her, instead of listening to my father, my GOD and accepting the true and valid offer of employment...


And of course, without a doubt, once my path was set in stone, and temptation saw I had fallen for her deception, the hiring manager after enjoying the laugh it brought, cut me off at the knee, let me go without a means of income, or even a glimmer of hope for the future

and it took some time, before the lesson was learned.


In trying to understand what had happened, why had I believed this woman of the world? She has no moral compass, no real feelings about what she did. But she wore an amazing mask of deception! She looked so honest, is the mother of two beautiful adopted children, parades as if she is a woman of virtue! And I know, she did not lose, not one minute of precious sleep after what she did..

I realized then that I had been tested and I had failed, I did not pass the exam. And I am ashamed of myself. I asked for guidance, for help before I lost something inside of myself, I was being tortured by my thoughts of what had happened.. And when I picked up the book and turned randomly to the page for me, I came to a chapter that said Money is the root of all evil and it was true because I was pursuing the extra dollars in order to get myself out of a deep, deep hole I had dug, due to not being fully and successfully employed in over two years.


So what is my morale, and more importantly, how do I let go of the continual thoughts of what I DID? The chapter I read stated, I was not born with money, nor could I take it with me when I was dead, so why was it so important at that moment that I pursue the difference of $15k? It did seem important though, I honestly thought, that at this point in my life, "I deserved" what I wanted, instead of settling for what I needed"..


I am thoroughly and thoughtfully ashamed of myself. And I honestly don't know what I am going to do, other than to keep getting up and trying again and praying GOD will have mercy on me once again and make an offer known to me again for the sake of my family, if not for my sake alone.


I hope someone will gain from this lesson, it has been a very bitter one for me, I may lose my home and everything I own because of it.


Selah..


Sun