Muffling Fear? Any recommendations?

This day is hard. Very difficult indeed. Why? Because there was no where to go today. Not really anywhere to go and behave as an actively job seeking candidate, to feel productive and relevant. At least for me, this is important. I have to be out there moving and doing something towards my goal and if I am not, I get caught and I must cry and cry...

I know this is my own burden to bear or bare right now. I know that out of all my friends and family, this is my story and my story alone. It belongs to no one else and no one else will or would even want to claim it. It is mine and I am trying to shake it off like you would a damn bug that had found it's way onto your arm. GET OFF, SHAKE IT OFF, GET OFF OF ME!! That is what I am trying to do with this unemployment thing, shake it off. But I am not having any luck. No luck at all. It is so hard to comprehend that everyone else I know has a job and I do not? It is weird that I think of this daily.

Every single day I think of the fact that most of my friends and family members have not lost their jobs for long periods of time and their retirement savings are not exhausted and they are still getting up on Monday mornings and praising Friday's at five and I can't grasp that I am not a part of this set? I am a part of nothing. I gambled on what I thought was a long term assignment that would help me get out of the hole and it fell out from under me and now I am here, waiting for the phone to ring.

I would really like for GOD to intervene right now and help me out. I know he will one day, I just hope it is soon.

Can you imagine that? No, probably not. The thing that is most painful though, is I can't stop my mind from going back and asking the question, WHY? Why....

What is up with the industry too? It seems, or must be a fact that every single position out there is filled! They must be because after four weeks of going out there every day and being on line every day and filling out applications every day, I have had not one, not even one single solitary call referencing any prospects.

I have had a number of declinations though. They always cone in the form of emails and are typically very clinical in nature. Speaking only to what Human Resources deems are not my qualifications and hence the resume has not been forwarded to the hiring manager and so subsequently you know that your paper work and the 45 minutes you spent on their website equates to you looking in their door peep hole and getting some one's shutting the little lid down in your face.

So what do you do? Sure you trod on, but then there is a day like today. A Thursday, and then will come Friday and no productive reports to report. Nothing to show for all of your work for the week and you find, or at least I find I can't move. Nope, can't do dishes, or vacuum the floor, or wash clothes because what is most important is staying in front of the job postings and praying GOD will show some mercy and allow someone, anyone to have a thought in their mind to pick up a phone or send an email of inquiry or curiosity about my resume or application and give me a chance or just a call.

But of course this is too difficult or complicated and will not happen quite soon enough and surely what will happen is, the mortgage folks will move in closer to me and tighten the choke hold they have on me just a little tighter. And even with the Reverends words in my heart, there is a fear of foreclosure, and it is hard to sing praises during the transition of foreclosure.

How did this happen? Why is this my story? How do I begin to get all of this together?

Where is the sun today, I will sing praises to his name all the days of my life, I will sing praises always...