I need so very much to understand why this all happened to me? Why GOD why? I know other people in this world have suffered their calamities and I know mine is justified due solely to the nature of this world and the manner in which we and I have operated in it. Yet I still find is incredible difficult to come to grips with my part in my own catastrophe! Have not others made bad moves? Have not others made mistakes that they learned from and were able to bounce back from? GOD didn't I miss enough of life to of received just a little bit more of your grace and favour?
Did I have to lose almost everything? Including the love and respect of friends? Friends who were dear to me? Is it because I don't know how to be a friend? GOD what type of monster am I? I have come full circle it seems. I didn't care to much for me as a young woman growing up and when I finally came to a point in my life where I did like me, all this happened and the sky fell down and I walked around bewildered for close to 24 months and when the dust settled and the skies were visible again I came to the realization that I don't like myself again and it is truer than the truest truth I can know.
What the hell is wrong with me GOD? Why did you make me anyway? What int he hell am I worth to anyone or for anything?
What.
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