Wednesday, November 4, 2009

No body knows what it feels like to know you are a failure... but then again..

I guess there are some who do know what it feels like. I honestly can't believe my stupidity. how i went through years of thinking i was someone special. some how i think we all think that at some point in time or another. we think or i thought i had intelligence and i can't even prove myself as an underwriter, simply, simple, while disgustingly clear to me, i am nothing but a big fat failure, a big fat failure that has finally come home to roost as the chickens would say...

why do we go through this life anyway? for what? how am i going to make it now that i have been exposed? what happened between the years of 45 to 50 that took me down into the mud? took me so far down that getting up would cause me to break more than once in two and sometimes a million pieces.

i have lost dear friends, i have lent myself out to ridicule and rancor, i can't fathom going one step further for any reason or cause. i am un masked, truth revealed shows someone who got away with an impersonation of intellect for a long time and now has to pay the piper for the foul front. the expenses are great and the dreams or better said nightmares are many many beyond comprehension and.. least the bible and the words therein not be true, i should lose my mind. but that would bring relief and that is not afforded to me.

not ever...

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