In their Anger they are...

systematically trying to destroy the spirits of millions.  We are being viewed as unjustified in our own desires to be successful.  With the election of this particular President, the opposition cannot sleep, eat or drink unless they are actively thinking of some way to tear through the support empire that has solidified in and around his sphere. 

They feel a need to tear at, maul and maim, little by little all and anything they can.  It is worth it in their little brains of hate and superiority - what a complex they have.  For me, it is the smallest of tic's, the tiniest of bites and scratches the cause little abrasions that I see as the most harmful, because it is so subtle.  Because they fear being "taken over", which is a fear founded in their own foul behavior.  They fully expect the rest to behave as they have.

When Michael Jackson died,  it was televised and internetized throughout the whole world.  I was watched like a hawk, through a magnifying glass or a two way mirror.  Watched to see and note if I dare, if I dare care about what had happened to this, another man they despised.  The one they felt compelled to put on trial for child molestation because he was too rich, and too well loved in other countries. 

There was one, just one in this particular office who true to her racist interior watched me daily and it made her physically sick just knowing I'd be there every day. Me, black, intelligent and making decent money on the recommendation of a white friend!  The friend did not tell them, or better still warn them that I was black.  So the bitterness in the taste of me was more than they had bargained for.  Hind sight is 20/20 all of the time...

I, naive to the end, thought they were decent individuals, all except this one.  Her racism was so blatantly apparent, it seared me sometimes while I was there and I would burn, my skin would feel the fire of her hate.  Eventually, she did what comes most naturally to them, she threw up on me, and the stench was very hard to remove from my mind and heart, I smelled awfully bad for weeks.

Oh, it sounds like I am some loon just babbling on, I know, but it is the truth.  See, we collectively can site many occassions of tiny scars, barely there.. 

Because,

there was the incident of the job provided on one level and cut to another level because they cannot abide the revised and restructured compliance authorities being sent their way.  All, in fact due to the collapse of the mortgage industries morale and trustworthiness.  I would be willing to wager - there are millions of individuals like me who are being made to ly low and accept reduced pay all in the name of unforetold punishment.  Oh how I wish I had it in me to be of a more courageous spirit.  I wish I could make it plain what I am trying to write here.

Due to their formidable madness at losing what they considered to be the biggest fight so far, they are overcome with grief and an overwhelming desire to destroy all that stands in their way of turning the results around.  You may categorize it to paranoia and be done with it, because it suits your mood and comfort.

Yet,

I know there are many, many more like me who are feeling the repercussions of their wraith.  And there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it, not in my lifetime anyway.  They are bound by an ancient honor code all their own.  This code compels them to strike out at the under trodden and try to smash them down.  They are sick to their stomachs with this past year '09 and what it has brought on them!  I hear it in the hallways, I see it in the stores, why else was it that after the election, we of color had to congratulate each other in secret!?  We could not be openly happy about this time in our lives.  It had to be kept quiet and there were secret greetings and looks everywhere, everywhere.  During those first days, if in line at a grocery store, if the cashier was black we could smile and say, isn't it wonderful!  Yet, if a white person was behind or in front in the same line, no words could be spoken, only, maybe a smile of knowing.  At the work place, there was an unspoken rule that we could not, dare not rejoice at the turn of events, this historic turn of events!  Yet, they have the audacity to complain about our corrupt government now as if their rights have been violated!  With insensitivity and surety to strike at the heart of matters, they assure me and others like me that they are still the "boss massas", yes suh" and we better walk a thin, chock line and not breath much while walking..

I have lost so much over the past two going into three years, but not so much of my intellect that I can't smell their shit all the way to the charity line.

When plenty is sparce, the tricks of corporate trades...

This week, and the past week being two of the most challenging of my life have led me to ask the question, what brilliant minds discover the creative cutback options that keep the greed of corporate america afloat and able to continue to live their lavish lives?  The heads of the boards seek out and appoint the most creative frugal minds in order to discover ways of keeping themselves at the top of their game during times of stress and less.  It is critical to corporate, that they implement revised rules and regs that allow them to take  advantage of every angle possible.

They find the experts and then when this work is done, they sleep well.  And they attend church on Sunday mornings, and give thanks for undeserved riches and splendor, all in the name of our holy father, our GOD Almighty.   With of course the one tiny exception, somewhere deep down, they believe they are more mighty than GOD.  Smarter and more conning, he forgives them this though, at least this is how they feel.   And Monday comes...

With swift and sharp knives, their sharp brilliant minds recommend; take down the middle management man, replace him with the less experienced assistant, and don't offer the same pay, let them stay where they are with the implied intention to promote if skills show themselves as worthy, next let go the hundreds of production line men and replace them with contract workers, just think you pay them yet carry no health contributions for them, what a coo!  Don't consider hiring, this will cost you too - All this in the name of expense reduction and there are also so many small initatives that can cost consumers pennies on the dollar to keep the heads of corporations where they need to be!  Request payment to use airplane bathrooms, charge quarters for plastic cups, enforce rules that don't allow internet use at work unless it is for the expressed purpose of benefiting the company! 

What wonderful reports they promote on Monday mornings to upper management!  How great to show cost savings initiated by sheer brain power!  Thoughts generated during odd hours of the night, whims that create the most powerful cost savings imaginable all in the name of Corporate GOD-DOM!

You may wonder what I'm babbling about?  What might any of this mean to anyone?   Simply this, there are men and women being paid tremendous amounts of money to think of ways in which to save large corporations money, at the detriment of employees or consumers.  These thinkers do not get anywhere near the windfall of cash their creative ideas generate, but they do get just enough to make them feel special and they continue to think of ways to make rich white men richer.

It was not until I hit my mid forties that I really began to comprehend how much money was out there in the world.  And just how much of it was relegated to white people only...  It is absolutely, positively true what Eddie Murphy said on a Saturday Night Live skit during one of his mock imitations.  He pretended to be white and went undercover, he proved a point demonstrating that whites look out for each other in a way that surpasses all comprehension.   The multiude of all other races or genders have no idea just what this private club does for each other on a daily basis.  We have no earthly idea how large this enterprise is...  we just gratefully, catch and snatch at any and all crumbs that come our way, and we survive until we die.

To be sure, there are many others of color who do accumulate some wealth, and when it comes to the haves and the have nots, this minority is satisfied with this small accumulation, enough so to put to rest the aggitation it imparts on the races. But, the truth is, this modest amount of wealth of the minorities does not really touch the tip of the ice burg!  If we really took a strong look around the America we live in, we would see there is a major disportionate amount of wealthy american white men who run America.  And when times are hard, they could care less about the minorities, they care lots about their own only and this has never been more blatantly apparent than it is right now. 

Very small example, look at an corporation in America that has a white CEO, white CFO, and white Board of Directors and you can count on your fingers, on one hand how many middle management black men will be in their organization.  They balance their affirmative action numbers by stratically placing large numbers of black women in the middle american jobs such as processors, sales clerks, claim adjustors, etc., or even as mid managers.  While upper management, (the place where some assembence of real money is concerned), is realized by white women or ulitimately white men on their way up to their rightful place, their birth right so to speak...

As a black woman, when I hit my top dollar amount in corporate america at $64k, I thought I was something!  Isn't that sad, when that is not even real money in the true scheme of things!

And not so sad still, is I was satisfied with it, happy at this peak in corporate because I could take care of my family and really didn't want anything more than to continue on till retirement....  but isn't that what I was raised to feel, as a christian?  Greed counts not a good man or woman?  Wasn't my gratefulness enough to sustain me and my world?  Apparently not, because when the bottom fell out, and there was nothing left, I was asked by corporate white america to feel that I did not deserve this amount!  To demand, or even contemplate I had experience to justify this amount was considered an absurity to the white world I sought shelter and relief in?  Why the adacity of me!  To try and penetrate the practice and patience of their world, during times of strife!  During easy and plenty sure, there is enough to spare.

But when life is unsure and consumers are discouraged, they hold on to their meager saving, then corporations pull back and they cannot bare to part with what other races consider "plenty"... 

then the bewilderment begins to work it's way into the souls of non-white americans and we wonder, why, once again, we are not good enough?