In their Anger they are...

systematically trying to destroy the spirits of millions.  We are being viewed as unjustified in our own desires to be successful.  With the election of this particular President, the opposition cannot sleep, eat or drink unless they are actively thinking of some way to tear through the support empire that has solidified in and around his sphere. 

They feel a need to tear at, maul and maim, little by little all and anything they can.  It is worth it in their little brains of hate and superiority - what a complex they have.  For me, it is the smallest of tic's, the tiniest of bites and scratches the cause little abrasions that I see as the most harmful, because it is so subtle.  Because they fear being "taken over", which is a fear founded in their own foul behavior.  They fully expect the rest to behave as they have.

When Michael Jackson died,  it was televised and internetized throughout the whole world.  I was watched like a hawk, through a magnifying glass or a two way mirror.  Watched to see and note if I dare, if I dare care about what had happened to this, another man they despised.  The one they felt compelled to put on trial for child molestation because he was too rich, and too well loved in other countries. 

There was one, just one in this particular office who true to her racist interior watched me daily and it made her physically sick just knowing I'd be there every day. Me, black, intelligent and making decent money on the recommendation of a white friend!  The friend did not tell them, or better still warn them that I was black.  So the bitterness in the taste of me was more than they had bargained for.  Hind sight is 20/20 all of the time...

I, naive to the end, thought they were decent individuals, all except this one.  Her racism was so blatantly apparent, it seared me sometimes while I was there and I would burn, my skin would feel the fire of her hate.  Eventually, she did what comes most naturally to them, she threw up on me, and the stench was very hard to remove from my mind and heart, I smelled awfully bad for weeks.

Oh, it sounds like I am some loon just babbling on, I know, but it is the truth.  See, we collectively can site many occassions of tiny scars, barely there.. 

Because,

there was the incident of the job provided on one level and cut to another level because they cannot abide the revised and restructured compliance authorities being sent their way.  All, in fact due to the collapse of the mortgage industries morale and trustworthiness.  I would be willing to wager - there are millions of individuals like me who are being made to ly low and accept reduced pay all in the name of unforetold punishment.  Oh how I wish I had it in me to be of a more courageous spirit.  I wish I could make it plain what I am trying to write here.

Due to their formidable madness at losing what they considered to be the biggest fight so far, they are overcome with grief and an overwhelming desire to destroy all that stands in their way of turning the results around.  You may categorize it to paranoia and be done with it, because it suits your mood and comfort.

Yet,

I know there are many, many more like me who are feeling the repercussions of their wraith.  And there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it, not in my lifetime anyway.  They are bound by an ancient honor code all their own.  This code compels them to strike out at the under trodden and try to smash them down.  They are sick to their stomachs with this past year '09 and what it has brought on them!  I hear it in the hallways, I see it in the stores, why else was it that after the election, we of color had to congratulate each other in secret!?  We could not be openly happy about this time in our lives.  It had to be kept quiet and there were secret greetings and looks everywhere, everywhere.  During those first days, if in line at a grocery store, if the cashier was black we could smile and say, isn't it wonderful!  Yet, if a white person was behind or in front in the same line, no words could be spoken, only, maybe a smile of knowing.  At the work place, there was an unspoken rule that we could not, dare not rejoice at the turn of events, this historic turn of events!  Yet, they have the audacity to complain about our corrupt government now as if their rights have been violated!  With insensitivity and surety to strike at the heart of matters, they assure me and others like me that they are still the "boss massas", yes suh" and we better walk a thin, chock line and not breath much while walking..

I have lost so much over the past two going into three years, but not so much of my intellect that I can't smell their shit all the way to the charity line.